How do you let go of 2012? The year when the world was supposed to end. It’s Christmas eve eve right now as I write this which means we’re past the said date of the end of the world. I’m happy it didn’t end. Or maybe at some point, I wanted it to. I know it didn’t end, but damn, some days of my 2012 felt like my heart just dropped and the world ended. But I survived those days.
It’s been a tough year. Started out great but little did I know my ber months would be hard as hell. I lost my big sister this year, September 6 to be exact. The strongest, bravest and toughest cancer fighter I’ve ever seen in my entire existence. I don’t know how I got through those days, but I did. It’s tough. It’s a battle everyday knowing that I won’t hear her voice anymore, see her anymore or get to talk to her. Until that day comes. There are times when I seriously forget that she’s not with us anymore knowing how lively my sister was and that she’d be the last person to leave us.
Everything seems so petty now. I want to hit myself for being so problematic over such small things. I used to sweat the small stuff. Now, it doesn’t matter at all. Losing a loved one is the most devastating thing that could ever happen and you’ll only understand when it happens to you.
My sister taught me how to brave the challenges ahead. Having cancer didn’t stop my sister from living her life to the fullest. In fact, I think that my sister really lived her life very well compared to some people who are cancer-free but live on hate, insecurities and whatnot. Nothing stopped my sister and that just proves that she died a fighter. She never gave up. Like what one of my sister’s friends said in the ABS-CBN mass/tribute and I quote
“We might feel that we have lost the battle but in fact, I think we won. Marion won over cancer.”
Definitely. If cancer had a mascot, it would look bruised and beaten. My sister had that fighting spirit which I think made her last. Not the chemo sessions, the radiation but her fighting spirit.
It took me weeks or months to be finally be able to write this blog entry. I lacked time due to school and probably, I lacked inspiration as well. Being the first Christmas without my sister pushed me to it.
I haven’t fully accepted the fact that she’s gone, but in time, I know I will. Like what I’ve been telling my best friend, Claudine, every time we talk about it.
“The pain will never go away. The pain will always be there but it becomes a part of you and you just learn how to live with it. “
I love Ate Marion so much and I know a lot of other people who feels the same way about her. I know she’s watching over me. Always. 🙂
I’d like to take this opportunity to thank each and everyone who showed sympathy, support and love. Especially to my sister’s friends and my very own friends. I love you all so much!!!!
2012 was hella tough; so cheers to us for being tougher.
Ending this post with what my sister posted last New Year, welcoming 2012
“63 days of radiation, 10 chemo sessions and 2 major surgeries , some interesting facts about my 2011 : ) thankful to the Almighty for seeing me through and these stats are nothing to the 365 days of being with my ever loving and supportive family, the gift of well meaning friends , sincere well wishes, prayers, laughter , love and countless blessings I’ve been given in this journey : ) Have a great 2012 everyone! Make every moment count!”